


prescription

by castielsass



Series: Therapy [9]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-27
Updated: 2014-06-27
Packaged: 2018-02-06 10:55:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1855462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielsass/pseuds/castielsass





	prescription

“I wanna finger you again,” Matthew said, and relished the slight jerk of surprise Will gave, making the thin mattress under them shake. Matthew let his Bible fall to his chest after closing it gently but Will held onto his book, not looking right at Matt.  
  
“Right now? But my appointment’s in a few hours,” Will trailed off.  
“You didn’t like it last time?”  
  
“It’s not that, it’s like. It was embarrassing, it was like Doctor Lecter knew or something. It was like he could tell,” Will said, his voice half a whisper even though Matthew’s father was at work and the closest person to them that wasn’t them was the deaf neighbour Mrs Marino.  
  
“Like he could tell what?” Matthew pressed. His fingers ran along the gilt edges of his Bible, careful not to get a paper-cut on the sharp thin pages. He could almost see Will’s blush from across the narrow mattress, when he turned his head, Will staring at the white ceiling with a flush across the bridge of his nose and his cheeks.  
  
“You know what. Like he could tell what I’d been doing with you before I went there, like he could smell it.”  
  
“And you don’t like that?” Matthew asked. Will finally closed his book, letting it drop onto his chest with a thump.  
  
“No!”  
  
“You don’t like him knowing I make you feel good?”  
  
“Shut up,” Will said, half a plea while he rolled his eyes.  
  
“I make you feel good?” Matthew demanded.   
  
“Yeah!” Will hissed, abruptly.  
  
“Why shouldn’t he know? I bet he’d just be happy someone’s making you feel good,” Matthew pushed.  
  
“No he wouldn’t, he’s always talking about how important safe sex is and how we don’t have to have it right away and I don’t have to make myself-” Will rambled.  
  
“We’re safe. You don’t have to make yourself, you know that, right? You don’t have to ever do anything if you don’t wanna. And we’re not even having sex,” Matthew said and almost bit the words back out of the air when he heard them. Will stiffened beside him, the bed juddering with the movement.  
  
“He says it’s sex.”  
“Yeah,” Matthew rushed. “It is, I just meant like… not fucking. Sex without fucking, y’know,” he said, half begging.  
  
“Non-penetrative sex?” Will dangled, like a lifeline and Matthew grabbed it with both hands.  
  
“Exactly, yeah. I mean, shit.” Matthew said and thought for a minute. “He keeps you in the dark about stuff, I don’t like that.”  
  
“What? What stuff?” Will asked and Matthew thanked God that he didn’t sound angry, just confused as he sat up.  
  
“He wants you,” Matthew said, the words like victory and terror all at once.  
  
Will’s scoff was enough to make the mattress tremble and Matthew dropped his Bible off the side of the bed and sat up.  
  
“Would I lie to you?” Matthew demanded and Will shook his head before he could finish. “Why would I say he wants you if he didn’t? What’d I get outta that?”  
  
Will thought for a moment before he answered this time. “Push me away from him.”  
“Why would I wanna push you away from him unless I thought he was dangerous?”  
  
“You think he’s dangerous?” Will questioned, disbelief in his voice making Matthew’s heart beat faster. Maybe this had all been a mistake. “What you think he’s gonna hit me? Or hit on me?”  
  
“Not that kind of dangerous,” Matthew said. “I don’t know yet, ok? But there’s something not right about him. I think he’s gonna confuse you, manipulate youm maybe into thinking you want him back.”  
  
“Maybe he doesn’t have to manipulate me into that,” Will shot back and regretted it immediately.  
  
Matthew was still for a moment, the only movement in his fingers, twitching like he was flicking a match.  
  
“You want him so bad you go to him,” Matthew said after a long pause, his hands curling into fists.  
  
“You know I didn’t mean that,” Will said.  
  
“No I don’t. Why’d you say it if you don’t mean it?” Matthew demanded. He lay on his back, turning over on the bed away from Will. Will’s hand hovered over his shoulder, Matt could feel the warmth through his sweater but it didn’t land.  
  
“Cause I was pissed at you. Matt. I’m sorry,” Will said, laying on his side and letting his body rest against Matthew’s.  
  
“Do you?”  
  
“Do I want him?” Will repeated. Matthew hated for a moment that he knew Will would answer honestly, think about it and give him the truth no matter how much it would hurt. “I don’t know.”  
  
Matthew pressed his hand to his own stomach, a hollow pain like hunger rumbling behind his ribs.  
  
“I hadn’t thought about it before but I’m not stupid,” Will said. “I know what he wants. I don’t wanna give it to him,” he said. “I think I just. I think maybe I got caught up in someone wanting me, someone sophisticated and rich and shit. I don’t want him but I think I liked that he wanted me,” Will finished after a pause.  
  
“I want you,” Matthew said, his hands curling into his own shirt to prevent them from tearing, ripping anything he could reach.  
  
“I love you,” Will said, firm and fast, an answer and an explanation in one.  
He panicked when Matthew didn’t turn to him, didn’t reach for him and for one terrifying moment the whole world shifted on its axis and Will was alone. He was free to pursue the ridiculous fantasy of a grown man, but there wasn’t anyone there to walk him home from school through the fields where nobody could see.  
His dad wasn’t mad at him anymore but he didn’t have a leather band around his wrist like an anchor to ground him when he got anxious. He could maybe have another boyfriend, he could probably find someone who would date him or maybe he’d fuck the Doctor after all but there wasn’t anyone else who’d yell at him about what cigarettes he bought and then draw a heart in soot on the back of his hand. For a moment it was just before the biggest drop of a rollercoaster, or standing on the edge of a cliff where he was waiting for the forward momentum to kill him or thrill him and it was like the bottom of his stomach dropped out.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Will said, his voice a tiny choked thing echoing in his chest. “I’m so sorry. I love you so much.”  
  
“I want you to see a different doctor,” Matthew said and his voice shook enough that Will knew that if he leaned over and looked Matthew’s lower lip would be trembling in that way that made Will want to press his thumb and mouth to it.  
  
“I will, I will, I promise,” he said and his hands came down on Matthew’s back. “Matty, I’m sorry.”  
  
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Matthew said and he turned over, finally and Will fell on him like he was starving.  
  
“I did, and I’m sorry. I’ll change doctors, ok?”  
  
“I’ll find you someone soon,” Matthew promised, rubbing the calloused edge of his thumb behind Will’s ear when he pressed his head to his chest. “Someone less expensive so your dad can’t hold that over your head anymore,” he said, thumb stroking the intimate soft skin behind Will’s ear. Only when Will’s face was buried in his chest did Matthew allow himself to smile.


End file.
